04.08.2018

It’s been a busy few months, with the Butterfly preparing for and competing in her first dance competition, the birthday fortnight and school holidays all kind of rolled up together. The busy ness has filled in the thinking gaps, those slow moments when my mind turns to missing you. With the start of the new school term the hustle has left the bustle behind and things have slowed down for now, so I find myself thinking about you a little more.

Last week we received notification that we had been granted citizenship and we would be required to attend a ceremony to receive our certificates next week. On the scale of things it’s not that big of a deal, the only thing that changes is our ability to apply for passports. I have been pleasantly surprise by the enthusiastic response we have received from our friends here, I didn’t think it would hold any significance for them, I was wrong. I know the process would have interested you and I have missed chatting to you about it and all the nit-picky little things that go into the application process.

Today, our neighbours youngest had a birthday party and we were all invited. I was searching in my jewellery box for earrings when I came upon a lapel pin that you gave me. I know you brought it home from a business trip overseas, I think it was to the USA, and I know it was the same year I left home, nearly thirty years ago now. My tiny almost unnoticeable Guardian Angel lapel pin. That little reminder that even though I was out on my own, making my own way in the world, you were always there if I needed you to be. Watching over me! I wore it every day, eventually I pinned it to a jacket that formed part of my work uniform and that was where it stayed until I resigned. For the past ten or so years it has been packed away safely and securely in my jewellery box unused but not totally forgotten.

This past week has been a tough one, when those waves of sadness are in a high tide and creep far up onto the shores of life. When the tears are never far from falling and there is an empty ache in the pit of my stomach. I know it’s there, I know why it’s there and I know the only thing I can do is work through it and learn to live with it. Being busy and filling up the silences helps but it doesn’t stop the hurting. Then I found my Guardian Angel and though I cried when I found it that empty place filled up and the sadness abated.

It reminded me that you are still there if I need you, that you are always watching over me and that my memories of you keep you close. So I wiped away the tears and pinned it to my shirt as we headed out to help our little neighbour celebrate. No one noticed my tiny lapel pin, no one commented on it, but I knew it was there. It’s my physical reminder that I will be okay even when missing you gets hard to do.

On Tuesday evening I shall pin it to my dress and again no one will notice my tiny lapel pin. But, I will know it’s there and I will know that you are standing right beside me, quietly watching as we take that final step to citizenship.

Love you Old Man, forever and for always.