31/07/2025
Hey Dad
We are officially Kiwi homeowners! What an emotional ride this has been.
It’s been a tough couple of months, there were so many times I caught myself wishing I could talk things out with you or just have a general bitch about things. I miss your calm logic, the way you put a positive spin on problems I cant see solutions to. I could have done with one of your witty remarks to help me see the funny side.
So often I think I am finally okay and then I realise this is something I have never done without you there, as my sounding board, my “devil’s advocate,” my sage.
Frequently over the past months I have told myself that’s it! I give up! Someone else can talk it through with the Mauritian, reassure the children or read the fine print. It was all too hard, too busy, there were far too many things going on at once. I have never felt more disheartened then in those moments. It was then when I felt overwhelmed, sitting on the edge of my bed, crying, wishing I was anywhere else but in that moment, that I missed you the most. At that moment when I could not have put into words what I was feeling that I wanted to speak to you. Then I’d get angry at myself for losing control, give myself a stern talking to and pull myself together and carry on, until the next time.
Despite these emotional moments of self-doubt and busy, busy days we found a house and made an offer.
At the time we heard our offer had been accepted work was really busy and both the Mauritian and I were working long hard days. At the same time both the girls were involved in musicals with very different rehearsal schedules, and both were now working, another set of different schedules to work around. Never mind the fact that two different high schools means two different, sometimes clashing, activities. Add to that, meetings with the mortgage advisor, the bank and the rental agency. Then there was, show dates, visits from friends and the birthday fortnight. I very, nearly exploded, Dad.
After a particularly long week clashing with the girls and trading insults with the Mauritian, I fell into my chair picked up the TV remote and started channel surfing. I was looking for something mind numbing to stare at, something that would occupy my attention and allow me to switch off. Instead, I came across Camelot. I started watching it just as King Arthur says my favourite lines: “You wonder what the king is wishing tonight. He's wishing he were in Scotland fishing tonight.” I knew exactly how poor Arthur was feeling in that moment.
While I watched, the memories resurfaced.
How many conversations did we have about Camelot, Arthur, The Knights of the Round Table.
Might for right!
We would discuss Richard Harris’s interpretation of King Arthur and often disagree. I thought Lancelot was arrogant you said I was wrong.
Then Authur begins his monologue: “Proposition: If I could choose, from every woman who breathes on this earth, the face I would most love…” I am reminded of the time we were discussing Arthur’s relationship with Merlin. How Merlin prepared Arthur for his role as king. How Merlin taught Arthur, what Merlin taught Arthur.
I realised then, I was approaching this busy time, this time of change wrong. So, I stopped, took a breath and thought about what you taught me, changed my approached and started again.
One thing at a time, step by step, doing each job worth doing and doing it properly.
Some things were still a little out of whack and we had to work around some disorganization because I was a little late getting my head together. But in the end, we packed up our lives once again, said a sad goodbye to our quirky home at the top of the hill, the sheep, our neighbours and the resident duck and are settling into what I hope will be our forever home.
I love you Dad, thank you for the life lessons.
God bless you in your new home and for everything you went through getting there.
ReplyDeleteSam you made it we are so proud of our South African import family love at you guys as always The Garrett’s Savoy on South 😎😎
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